Two things that required me to change my pants today

One is the following envelope that arrived bearing birthday well-wishes and a new idea for our paper mache bird business ('glitter and feathers!') It also includes the cast of characters that I would be partying with, were they not dwelling in the Prettiest Place in All the Land.

The second was an email from Leslie notifying me of every disaster that has taken place on this date throughout history, from the invasion of Normandy to a volcanic eruption in Alaska (a few highlights listed below). Thank you, Leslie, for a virtual kick in the *ss. I like to think that were we not separated by an entire country right now that we could go out for a few too many drinks and then you would birthday spank me before concluding the night with a loving bitch slap...just like old times. But this was the virtual equivalent, and for that I love you. Whore.

In the words of Leslie, my birthday at a glance...

"-Anne Bancroft DIES! (2005)

-D-Day Invasion (1944) -- yeah, this worked out well for a lot of people. Namely the thousands of young virgins who DIED saving your sorry ass.

-Funeral of Iranian leader Ayatollah Khomeini (1989)--Um...okay, this one isn't such a big deal. Maybe if they were a little more generous with the whole "oil thing" I'd have a little more sympathy.

-Queen Elizabeth II strips champion jockey Lester Piggott of his OBE after he is jailed for tax evasion. (1988) --Don't jockeys have enough problems?

-American senator Robert Kennedy assassinated in Los Angeles by Sirhan Sirhan. (1968).--Okay, that whole family is just cursed and everyone knows it. But still, your birthday has something to do with it, you Wiccan bitch.

And now some rapidfire ones:

-1813 - War of 1812: Battle of Stoney Creek - a British force of 700 defeat an American force three times its size.

-1882 - More than 100,000 inhabitants of Bombay are killed as a cyclone in the Arabian Sea pushes huge waves into the harbour.

-1912 - Eruption of Novarupta in Alaska begins. Second largest volcanic eruption in historic time.

-1966 - James Meredith, civil rights activist, is shot while trying to march across Mississippi.

-1981 - A passenger train travelling between Mansi and Saharsi, India, jumps the tracks at a bridge crossing the Bagmati river. The government places the official death toll at 268 plus another 300 missing; however, it is generally believed that the actual figure is closer to 1,000 killed.

And Leslie's climax: 'And the number one event to occur on your birthday, June 6th, is...(drum roll please)...Anne Frank gets her very first period!!' "

Yes, my friends...so many reasons to celebrate...