"Be Prepared to Receive Something Special"

...so read my fortune cookie one prophetic moment before I dumped chow fun in my lap. I can’t help but think THIS was my something special. ALMOST as special as the way I whacked my fire alarm to death last night when it started going off and I couldn’t get it to stop. No, correction: I beat it to oblivion, and when it STILL wouldn’t die, and it was going to take TWO books on my chair to help me reach it—I was already balancing on one—I called in a tall neighbor who finished the killing. (My fire alarm is no more, by the way. Feel free to come over this weekend for a bonfire and s’mores in the middle of my bedroom floor. JUST BECAUSE WE CAN.)

Oh, and if anybody’s into the lotto, your lucky number is 08 17 28 39 45, 15. I expect a cut of the profits.