My New Boyfriend

I am officially dating someone. And I can tell we are dating because last night he tried to stick his tongue in my mouth. This was after he crawled into my lap, lunging for my face, cooing with joy. Yes. My new boyfriend is ten months old. And he’s the handsomest little man alive. His mother claimed that was the first time he’s ever gone for an open-mouth kiss, but I’m a little skeptical. He was wayyyyyyyyyy too smooth. Maybe he’s been practicing with his teddy bears. At any rate, by the time he’s legal, this stud is MINE. First dibs, ladies, on the record.

Also, his attraction MAY have had something to do with the fact I fed him sugar-dusted churros, which appears to be his language of love. So future girlfriends, make a note: our little heartthrob is a SUCKER for a warm sweetened pastry. When I start babysitting him, we’re going to take field trips to Krispy Kreme so he can have little baby orgasms. (Just kidding, JaRoni! Hire me!) I’m also thinking I should try this little trick with men...pastries could be the answer to boosting my powers of seduction, which are currently lacking (as are my levels of personal hygiene, which is an issue for another blog).

Isn't he irresistible?