Why Caroll Should be in HR, or "WE'RE HIRING!"

So we’re going to be interviewing for a new receptionist soon (you lookin’ for work? Good pay, good benefits, lots of holidays, sick time, and me?) and as someone who gets to help interview, I’d like to be able to ask the following questions, to avoid any future drama. As written by Caroll, who definitely has a career in HR ahead of her...

1. Do you indulge in wearing eau-de-nicotine rather then worrying about the deterioration of your lungs and those of others around you?
2. Is your diet made up of cup-o-noodle to compensate for your weekly paycheck directly deposited to the Porsch dealership? Who says debt isn’t sexy?
3. Have you seen more cable cars in your lifetime then cows?
4. Is your addiction to hip hop so great that you find yourself dancing to any audible beats, including the copy machine cranking out weekly meeting minutes?
5. Have you ever considered shaving your head as a means of proclaiming Spears sympathy?
   
6. Have you received law suits from viewers of your Myspace account complaining of seizures triggered by the flashing graphics?
7. Are all your shoes delivered via Fed Ex within days of you purchasing them online?
8. Are you still taking depression pills from your last reality show audition failure?
9. Did you not get the “Tuna is not an acceptable workplace lunch” memo? (I don’t care if you do work from home!)
10. Do you really think a quick spray of Febreeze once a week equates to a shower?

Darn those laws that forbid me from asking anything that will actually be USEFUL. I’m going to end up having to ask things like, “So, what did you like about your last job?” or “Want to hear a good knock-knock joke?”