Ask Steve

Today I sent out the following email to the entire company ask for submissions to Ask Steve, our company’s newsletter advice column. This is one of the perks of being Editor in Chief:

"Are any of you still harboring issues from your painful high school experience? Do you feel that you went astray and aren't sure when or how? Are you too cheap to pay for therapy?

Or maybe your questions are of a more inquisitive nature! Do you want to know how long it takes to hike the Inca Trail? Have you been wondering what a daguerreotype is and whether or not you should buy one? And did anybody expect the Spanish Inquisition?

If any of these questions are keeping you up at night, give the burden to Steve! Let the questions keep HIM up at night! Remember: if you can ask it, he can answer it."

One coworker decided he wanted to test Ask Steve's skills and sent the following:

"This is a practice question and not for publishing. This is my way of checking out your credentials. I repeat this is only a test. The real question will be forthcoming if I am satisfied with your response to this question and am able to determine that you are not just some quack who’s only looking to satisfy his own perverted quest to know what his fellow coworkers' inner thoughts really are:

1) What color do Smurfs turn when they hold their breath?

Remember this is only a test."

Steve’s oh-so-scientific response:

“Bear with me….. Human blood is red, right? And I since I have no other evidence to the contrary, I must assume that Smurf blood is blue. Since human blood is iron based, it turns red when reacting with Oxygen. Of course Copper is naturally blue in color when mixed with Oxygen, so one must assume that Smurf blood is copper based. So naturally, if one removes the Oxygen content from Smurf blood, it, along with its host body, must turn green (reference the color of the Statue of Liberty now that it has oxidized).

It’s only logical…”

There you have it. Smurfs turn green. Logically.