Foot in Mouth Disease

So earlier a coworker got sassy with me for doing my job (and I’m not lying, I did my job text-book perfectly in this particular situation. And it is NOT the norm that I follow the book) and so, in my newfound sense of righteousness, I got sassy right back, and concluded the conversation with muttering, “It’s always a pleasure working with you” under my breath. And of course, because I’m short-sighted, she hears me and whips around: “WHAT’d you say?” And of course, because I’m also not quick on my feet, I repeat it: “I said it’s always a pleasure working with you.” She storms off fuming, and I proactively hoof it to my boss’s office to tell her the tale before Mad Cow beats me to it and I get the lecture of a lifetime. Boss laughs, shaking her head, “You and your sarcasm! That’s going to get you in trouble, you know!” I felt more bad for my Boss, actually, knowing full well she’s going to be the one to deal with MC’s rantings and ravings all because I can’t hold my tongue like a damn bloody fool. Boss and I agree that I’ll apologize for my attitude and let MC simmer down. As I’m formulating the apology email, I struggle with the wording: “Hi MC!” I begin. “I’m so sorry for getting sassy with you at the end of our conversation! Sarcasm is unprofessional and has no place in the work environment. I should never have said that you were a pleasure to work with.” Then I revised the last line since I didn’t want to stir it up anymore than I already did, and finished with “I should never have said what I did. Please forgive me. Apologetically yours.” I blind-copied my boss for good measure, and am considering this a job well done. Except, of course, for my gross unprofessionalism in the workplace and inevitable canning.

You hiring? I may occasionally be sarcastic, I may occasionally smack you on the rear if I like what I see, and I may save music files on the network drive, but I can guarantee that I will never take the last cup of coffee without brewing a fresh pot, I will never abandon a jammed printer, and I shower at least twice a week. Let me know if you'd like to see my references. I want to make sure mother is free.