Can I Use Your Shower?

So...yeah...our building's hot water heater is broken. Turns out it's been broken since Monday, but I won't tell you why I didn't notice until today, other than to say that MAYbe I've overslept my shower. A couple times. Until this morning, when I woke up and my hair still held the shape of my pillow. I dragged by freezing arse into the bathroom, climbed squinting and shivering into the shower, and then lost one of my nine lives when the water NEVER WARMED UP. Please keep in mind that I won't even use our toilet because our apartment is so cold my rear would freeze to its seat. I save up and sprint to work.

I didn't actually realize it was broken until I called the landlord from work to complain about the size of the heater. That's when I found out OH! It's not that it's too SMALL for our building. It's that it doesn't even WORK. This blew out my evening's plans for a steamy, aromatic bath and has left me on frequent phone calls with the plumber who claims to have fixed it, while an infant squalls in his background.

On the bright side, we're getting a new heater altogether as a result of the current ineffective duct-tape job in place. On Monday. So either I'm not showering until then (not unheard of), or I'm coming to your house. Probably the latter, as nothing will make me want to wash more than the fact that I cannot.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go boil some water on the stove for a sponge bath, right before chopping the wood, milking the cow, and heating a pan to warm the bedclothes.