Why I Can't Be Without the Company of Humans Too Long Even Though I Prefer It

I'm beginning to find that the more time I spend alone the less of a social filter I have. I think it's because the more time I spend with me, the more I fall in LOVE with me, because really--LOOK AT THIS COMPLETE PACKAGE. And I get to be with her? ALL THE TIME? I mean, seriously. HOW KILLER LUCKY AM I. I think I'm pretty much, like, the funniest person I know. And look at that HAIR! If it weren't for the fact that I never wash it, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands out of it. And when I'm alone, it's like RONA UNPLUGGED. It's a stand-up comedy routine, it's a musical, it's a dance number and a cocktail. I make up songs to narrate everything I do as I pirouette around as a means of travel. Now transfer this freak of a closet introvert who can't get enough alone time and put her in a work environment. And she becomes about as socially retarded as a homeschooler. Now my coworkers endure medleys about stapling as I push myself around in my wheeled office chair. And my conversation filter? Just FORGET it. It's been so unused (since I don't filter conversations with myself) that I can't even FIND it when the boss comes around, let ALONE converse professionally. Today I told a partner who asked for help to 'have his assistant do it, not me,' and then when he pointed out he didn't have one, I replied, 'well, if you're hiring one, let me know. Because otherwise, I can't help you.' WHO SAYS THAT TO THE VICE PRESIDENT OF THEIR COMPANY? The only reason I think he laughed and walked away is because as I was telling him to bark up another tree, I was spinning circles in my chair. Then without a second thought, I rotated back to my computer to see if anybody interesting had emailed me in the past five seconds, only to get an IDIOT email from a coworker, to which I responded merely with a graphic image of a small boy giving the finger. Of course, I work in construction, so this was the best response possible and actually made him happier than a real answer would have. GO FIG. But I'm REALLY pushing the envelope here. It's only a matter of time until I flip off the wrong person. Like, say, my grandmother of a boss who is just the kindest, most endearingly sensitive person in the universe, who I currently just want to pet and squeeze and buy doilies for.

That said: perhaps I need to force myself out more to control this phenomenon. Like grownup daycare. Katy, you free this weekend? Want me to come over and offend you?