Why I Can't Multitask

It's true. I cannot walk and drink at the same time. On Sunday I was walking with a friend and inadvertantly made her stop everytime I took a sip of my beverage. She asked, "You can't walk and drink at the same time?" "No. No, I can't." AND YOU KNOW WHY I CAN'T? Because of my PARENTS. Remember those abusive parents who made me do chores when I was young? Well, they ALSO would not let me walk and drink at the same time. Whenever I would try, I'd get reprimanded: "No, Sharona. That's not safe. Stop and THEN drink. Done now? Okay, let's go!" To this day, I can only walk and drink at the same time IF I'M USING A STRAW. And holding the cup with both hands. The adult equivalent of a sippy cup. I'm just gonna say that if *I* ever decide to procreate, I'm going to let my kids dump their stuff ALL OVER THEMSELVES. In fact, I'm going to encourage them to not just walk and drink, but to run and drink. While chewing gum and swinging a baseball bat. Sure they may have very few friends as a result, but I'm willing to take that chance. So that when they're adults, they won't be confused by the desire to stop in their tracks every time they're thirsty. And they're going to THANK me for it.